Preparation.

I have really spent a lot of time paying attention to my body this week. I noticed I never feel hungry. I eat when it's 'time' to eat, and sometimes between. Rarely does my stomach every growl. Usually I feel dizzy or light headed from sugar drops, but never hungry. I also noticed I wake up every morning with a slightly sour stomach. I am ready for this to end seriously. I want to go to bed tonight and wake up and it be Monday. I am excited to go see what the stores in Raleigh have.

Speaking of, the reason I got into this was because a friend is doing it and was posting her meals. I have always thought she was so fit and beautiful and I admit I am a bit envious. So I found out what she was doing and looked into it for myself. (It being Whole30) After reading as much as I could on the subject I decided I was going to give it a try. I knew something needed to change, why not now? I spoke to my husband about it over the phone and he was really interested in it too! So I started preparing and he read up on it (He is in Iraq) during his free time and shared the information with some people he works with. Now he AND 2 of his coworkers are trying it IN IRAQ! It's hard for them because they have to rely on what's available at the dining facility and every time he relies on there being something there has always been (nuts and dried fruit, fresh fruit in the breakroom etc.) there isn't any. So when I go to Earth Fare and Whole Foods on Monday I am going to buy a bunch of Whole30 compliant things I can mail to him. (Larabars, nuts etc.) to fill in the gaps between meals. He works during the middle of the night and has been relying on a bowl of oatmeal or cereal in the middle of the night for a meal, which he isn't doing anymore. But his options at 1am are limited so I am hoping I can find some good stuff to send to tide him over.

So yesterday I started going through the pantry. I feel terrible. I have stuff in there that has never been used! What a waste of money! I have a whole 5lb tub of sugar never opened! But I am not keeping that stuff. I will keep my pure maple and my PB2. I will keep a SMALL selection of things I will use at some point in the future and put them on the very bottom shelf behind the step stool so I don't see them. I would feel too guilty throwing every single thing away, so I am going to keep some, but only the things I may use sparingly in the future. It also never occurred to me to look into my spices, vinegars and oils. I don't have any organic stuff and it was brought to my attention yesterday that even things like Balsamic Vinegar have added ingredients! I would have never thought to look at that stuff.

I know I probably sound like I am being crazy. But you gotta understand. I have felt like crap for sooo long. I am addicted to food. Like, addicted. I need to get crazy about it for a while. I want to know how good I can feel going as all-out as I can. I want to feel good, I need to feel good. So I have to do this as close to 100% as I can while I can and I will go from there. I am not going to go so crazy as to chart my calories or measure/weigh my food. I am going to make sure I have protein and veggies (2 kinds) with every meal plus a healthy fat and I am going to limit my fruits to 1 serving a day in the beginning. I have to do this. I am a sugar addict and if I eat sweet fruit every time I am craving sweets I am not learning from this. I cannot replace the ice cream and candy bars with fruit, that won't work. I need to break the cycle.

Speaking of breaking the cycle, do you know I have not played computer games all week? This is HUGE for me. I used to spend every waking moment of every day on the computer playing computer games. I would take breaks to cook meals, take care of the kids etc. but every free moment was on the computer. I have not played all week long. I have been able to keep up on the laundry and the dishes and I spend more time with Brennan. We have been taking walks every day and I have been reading a lot.

Things are just getting better, I can feel the change starting and I like it.